Travel Secrets of Santa Claus

The lead up to Christmas has begun. Soon that jolly big guy in the red suit will arrive bearing gifts, or if heaven forbid you’re on the naughty list, stern advice from the silver fox himself.

But is the lead up to Christmas all smooth sailing and unbridled excitement?

I’ve heard whispers there’s more than meets the eye.

Leaked information from an anonymous source revealed Air Traffic Controllers around the world are preparing for their busiest night of the year having been instructed to clear the midnight skies on December 25 for a VIP flight delivering precious cargo.

The source also reported it was pointless looking for the VIP flight as it flies under and over the radar using a superior cloaking device. You’re much more likely to see the International Space Station (ISS) overhead as it orbits the Earth, or a Mothership from Alpha Centauri.

Someone who knows someone told someone else which eventually got back to me (my lips are sealed and cannot reveal my sources – deniable plausibility applies herewith) that a mysterious place shrouded in secrecy called Area 5? is actually the jolly fellow’s rest stop during this peak period – shhh tell no-one.

Flight times are unknown but safe to say all covert flying activity ceases pre-dawn on the 25th.

Recently a North Pole Newscast leaked photographs taken from the ISS which reveal oddities surrounding the aurora borealis. Usually green in colour, photographs show red, white, brown and sparkling gold streaks throughout the borealis with the occasional flash of silver.

It has been suggested that the anomalies are caused by objects moving at incredible speeds. Scientists aboard the ISS will continue to monitor this situation.

To add further mystery Google Earth images of the North Pole have been whited out – one minute it was there, the next gone. NASA, the agency of eyes in the sky and below, has responded with a terse ‘no comment’.

News just in – last night NASA officials were left scratching their heads at reports of nine sonic booms heard around the globe at 0010 (UTC).

• The Russian space agency ROSCOSMOS has reported that the sonic booms were possibly due to a large inbound comet burning up in the Earth’s atmosphere.
• Herr Rudolf from Germany called to say it was Donner und Blitzen during a particularly dark and stormy night.
• While news in from the Australian Outback reported mysterious red Min Min lights moving at max speed leaving shock-waves in their wake, and six white boomers running for cover.
• An anonymous source said these were top secret test flights. They did not elaborate who was flying what and where the who and what were travelling to and from to.

For Immediate Release.

Last night an expedition vessel in the Arctic Circle reported strange radio transmissions of what appears to be Morse code coupled with radar pings of ringing bells, grunts, snorts and bellows, and echoes of much ho ho ho-ing.

This incident was confirmed by a passing submarine whose Commander revealed and translated this Morse code … .- -. – .- / -.-. .-.. .- ..- … / .. … / -.-. — — .. -. –. / – — / – — .– -. to ‘Santa Claus is coming to town’.

The Commander said he nearly choked on his battered fish when code  .- .-.. .-.. / .. / .– .- -. – / ..-. — .-. / -.-. …. .-. .. … – — .- … / .. … / -.– — ..- came in.

The Morse read ‘All I want for Christmas is you’. The Commander added the Code was strong with this one.

Authorities are linking these transmissions to the sudden increase of UFO activity at the North Pole.

Investigations are continuing.
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For Immediate Release.

UFO activity at the North Pole suddenly increased at 21:00 UTC. Google Earth continues to reveal a large blackout area at 72.62°W longitude and 80.31°N latitude, UTM coordinates 31Z 500000 9997964.9432367.
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What I can reveal is the North American Aerospace Defense Command of the United States and Canada (NORAD) are closely monitoring and tracking the elusive Mr Claus and his speeding team of daredevil reindeer led by a young buck with attitude and a glowing red nose.

For more information and tracking updates please see NORAD

On a serious note Whilst this been a fun, tongue-in-cheek post to write, many people experience emotional crisis this time of year for many reasons. If you or someone you know is struggling please call Lifeline 13 11 14 or Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 in Australia, if residing overseas please contact your equivalent.